Friday, 14 January 2011

Sunday, 07 November 2010

  • Currently
    The Fame
    By Lady Gaga
    Dirty Ice Cream
    see related

    What are goals you hope to achieve before the end of the year?

    I hope to have a six-pack by May. So far, I've lost twenty pounds, but it's not easy. 

    Oh, and I want to tell that Persian how I feel... but I doubt that will happen.

    I just answered this Featured Question; you can answer it too!

  • Currently
    Guero
    By Beck
    E-Pro
    see related
    Spare me just three last words, 'I love you' is all he heard.
    I'll wait for you, but I can't wait forever.

    Three miles on a resistance treadmill today.
    It was quite difficult because of my asthma. Time was 47:13, not counting the time that I had to stop running and take the fast-acting inhaler. I felt like a fish out of water. :/
    So maybe one day I will replace these lungs with proper ones. But that will have to be post-college, when my fund comes into my possession. I shall have money, a degree, a job, and most likely, a house. Then I'll do what no level-headed girl really wants to do...
    Ask him to marry me.
    So many people these days are just skipping out on getting married. They do everything backwards. Sex, children, then marriage. Most of those marriages end in divorce. Some people don't even bother to get married.
    I can't be one of those people. That would just ruin me.
    So this proposal thing is imminent.
    It is imminent because this dummy still doesn't know how much he means to me.


    I just can't let him go. Not after this long.
    No other female [excepting, possibly, his mother] knows him the way I do.
    I've seen him at his best and his worst, and I want to be there for all of it.
    I'm a woman, and I happen to be an attractive one.
    I know what I want, and I know that I can get it. I just hope that his girlfriend doesn't plan on fighting it out, because she's kind of creepy [manly] looking and I don't know what she's capable of. However, I am willing to find out, even if it means boxing. Fight for what you love, right?
    No, not really. I'm not interested in fighting with Mousy.
    Just in stealing her boyfriend away and never returning him.
     
    So back to my proposal. If I DID ask him to marry me, what would he say?
    He would say no.
    And it would kill me. He seems to believe that 'romantic relationships' get in the way of his training. How could that be possible?
    Romance boosts oxytocin and oxytocin makes the body more pliable.
    That ought to help with his workouts, no? So why is he against relationships?
    I don't get it. I know he's attracted to me, and has been for the last five years. Through at least three girlfriends that I know of, and when he looks for 'that girl', he never thinks of me. I just don't understand it. How can he keep pushing me away?


Monday, 16 August 2010

  • stress.

      I believe that the reason I'm having trouble losing weight is stress. 90% of this stress comes from my "father". Biologically, he is my parent, but emotionally we are at a permanent disconnect.
    He is abusive, controlling, and judgmental. He smokes marijuana,  and drinks beer every day. I am not exaggerating. I moved out of his house in 2008 when he decided it was okay to take his anger out on me physically. I have not been back there yet.

    Now, the only tie I have to him is my college fund. He has control of it until my birthday, which is September 8th. It's not that far away, but my financial deadline is next week. He does not trust me [with MY money?] and says I can't be trusted to pay for the things that I need.

    Now, a question. Why would I spend my college fund on anything other than COLLEGE?
    I'm an average girl from a middle-class family, I have everything I need and most of the things I want.
    I have been waiting YEARS to go to this college and I got accepted!
    I have almost a full scholarship.
    I would NEVER do anything stupid that would jeopardize my funding or my career.
    The real problem here is not me and the level of trust. The real problem is that he wants control. Over me, and over my life.
    And I'm almost a legal adult, so he is losing that control, and it angers him.

    I wish I could just go it alone and ignore him until I have the control over the fund, but I NEED that money for my textbooks and fees that I have to have by next week.
    So what do I do? I don't have that many options. I guess I have to play nice until my birthday. Then I will be done with him for good, and I won't change my mind.

Tuesday, 13 July 2010

  • My car does not work.

    The main problem with this statement is the other statements that go along with it. Which I will now include.

    My car does not work. So I am stuck in Baton Rouge.
    An asthmatic in a house where three people smoke on a daily basis.
    I miss my bed. With its CLEAN mattress, its unbroken box spring, and its pillowtop.
    I want to take a shower, and to not be surrounded by roaches. I am living in hell.

    I wish I was exaggerating.

    But no, I'm not. I'm going to post several pictures of this house later, just to give you some idea of how serious I am. This is the most vile place I've ever had to stay in, it's worse than the Africa Model I lived in at church camp. We slept on a wooden floor, but at least it was clean.
    There weren't roaches everywhere, or dirty dishes, or people with no manners. There were Christian people who were willing to work together, and they didn't try to speak over you and would wait until you were done speaking to say anything. They didn't yell or scream when you were watching something on the tv (ignoring the fact that there wasn't one) and they knew that you need your space. I need those kind of people in my life again, because right now all I can think of is murdering these two little bastard boys. They need it. It would do them SO much good.

    Ugh...

    I think.. I'm just going to drive the car home tomorrow. I don't care if it breaks down in Nachitoches, or Ruston or wherever I find myself. As long as it's closer to home than to this place. I can not stand it here, I need cleanliness. I need hygienic people and a working shower and a laundry room where you can actually see the floor. That is what is important to me. And I don't care how self-centered that sounds, this is probably my most selfish post ever. But you know what? I've been living with roaches for a week. I don't give a damn how selfish I am.